2. OPPOSITES ATTRACT

I have written heavy stuff lately and wanted to lighten it up a bit this week with some hilarious differences in men and women. I hope you enjoy.

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out for lunch they will affectionately refer to each other as fat, di*k head and s**t for brains.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20 even though the bill is $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will admit they want their change back.

When the girls get the bill out comes the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she does not need because it is on sale.

.....


.... BATHROOM

A man has 6 items in his bathroom toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, shampoo, towel.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of another argument.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting she will not change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water plants, empty trash, answer phone, read a book and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes=No

.....


.... No=Yes

Maybe=No

We need=I want

I am sorry=You'll be sorry

We need to talk=Your in trouble

Sure go ahead=You better not

Do what you want=You will pay for this later

I am not upset=of course I am upset you moron

You're very attentive tonight= Is sex all you ever think about

MEN’S ENGLISH

I am hungry=I am hungry

I am sleepy=I am sleepy

I am tired= I am tired

Nice dress=nice cleavage

I love you=Lets have sex now

I am bored= wanna have sex

May I have this dance=I’d like to have sex with you

Can I call you sometime= I’d like to have sex with you

Do you want to go to a movie= I’d like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner= I’d like to have sex with you

Those shoes do not go with that outfit= I'm gay

.....


.... HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her

Cuddle her

Kiss her

Caress her

Love her

Comfort her

Protect her

Hug her

Hold her

Spend money on her

Wine and dine her

Listen to her

Care for her

Stand by her

Support her

Go to the ends of the earth for her

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked and bring beer.

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Another Day, Another Page

By Kimber Renee

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